Let's see how far we've come
by Karen Winchester
Summary: After Lucifer (Castiel) attacks Sam in the bunker, leaves a little warning for the boys. Sam and Dean will have to face their past once again, looking at themselvs in a TV show called "Supernatural". And also think their next move, if they don't want the apocalypse on Earth all over again.
1. Chapter 1

**This story takes place in season 11. I changed some datails of the scenes. Hope you like it!**

 **See how far we've come**

Chapter 1

Sam and Dean had been in the bunker for days now. Castiel turned out to be possessed by Lucifer, and for what the boys knew, he was lost somewhere in James Novak body.

Sam read every single book hoping to find a way to get Cass back, but nothing was in them.

\- Hey Sam - said Dean - i'm gonna climb through the walls if we don't get out this place. I need to get back to work. We need it.

Sam looked at him, but few moments later, kept reading like nothing had happened.

\- Come on, man! - said Dean now frustrated - you can't ignore me like that!

\- 'm not ignoring you - said Sam rubbing his eyes - i just don't know if it's a good idea.

\- Yes it is, Sam - explained the older brother - Just look at you. You could be an extra from the Walking Dead right now.

Sam got up slowly, and went to the kitchen. His head was exploding. All he needed was take a pill and sleep in that moment.

\- You are such a party guy, Sammy - said Dean as he followed his brother through the bunker - If you don't want to help people, it's your problem. But, i do. I'll look for a case right now. If you're interested , tell me.

Sam saw his brother walking out of the kitchen angry. He could understand what Dean was saying, but after all that he'd been through, Sam needed distract himself with TV shows and alcohol.

Hours passed, and Dean woke up in his bed.

He searched for a case, but nothing paranormal or weird appeared in the news.

After two hours of searching, he laid down on his bed, and closed his eyes. Without knowing it, he fell slept.

With his eyes half opened, he looked at the clock. It was 04:20 AM. Last time he checked it was 21:12 PM.

\- Dammit! - cursed Dean - I' m becoming the freaking Sleeping Beauty!.

After he brushed his teeth, went out of his room, and walked through the iluminated corridor.

The whole place was silent,which, made the hunter be worried. Where was Sam?

\- Sammy? - shouted Dean - Are you here?

-Dean - said his brother in a low voice, like he was sick or hurted – I'm in the living room.

He hurried his footsteps and held his breath. Something was off with Sammy's voice. He knew that.

As soon as he was in the living room, he saw his brother and all the books he had read around the floor.

Now running, he kneeled next to Sam, and checked for injuries. He seemed fine, thought.

\- What happened Little brother? - asked Dean anxsoius - talk to me!

Sam meet his eyes for the first time, and Dean saw that his pupils were dilatated.

\- Cass was here - explained the younger brother - i tried to talk with Cass, but Lucifer pinned me to the wall. I think i hit my head in the process.

Dean checked Sam's head, and saw a Little gash with blood in it.

\- It's not serious - said the older Winchester - but you'll have to put some ice on the area, Sam.

\- Ok- said Sam as he tried to stand up - i'll bring it.

\- Don't even think about it, bitch - said Dean as he helped his little brother to sit down on the nearest chair in the room - It's my job. I have to Look after you, remember?

\- Jerk - said Sam as a Little smile appeared in his face

Few moments later , the older Winchester came into the room and checked Sam's state a little more time. Older siblings have to protect and make sure that their Little siblings were safe and sound.

Sam felt better after few hours. His eyes finally focused on objects, and he could see them clearly.

Taking that event like a good signal,He got up against Dean's will, and helped his brother to put the books in their place. The worst part of all was that all of them had been classified, and now he had to check them all over again.

\- Hey, is this yours? - asked Dean, showing his brother the pendrive in his hands - It's not mine.

\- It's not mine - answered Sam with honesty - maybe it was from Kevin or Charlie.

Sam brought his laptop and inserted the pendrive in it . Both saw that between some files, it was a letter.

It said :

"Dear Winchesters:

As you may know, i'm not Castiel. I'm his big brother, Lucifer.

If you guys read this, it's because you weren't fools as i think. Just for you to understand that i am the only chance to beat the Darkness, i travelled to the "Alternative World" where Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles pretend to be Sam and Dean Winchester. While i was there, i downloaded some videos where you will see some moments of your lives. If one of you get in the way, bad things will happen. I think the videos are the ones that will make you understand what i'm saying.

I'm free now, so good luck trying to find a way to take me down, without throwing Sammy or your dear angel Castiel in the burning flames. The end of the world is coming Winchesters, and this time, not even you guys , can stop it.

This is the very last advice that i will give you.

DON'T TRY TO STOP ME, OR YOU TWO AND THE REST OF THE WORLD WILL DIE VERY SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY.

Lucifer"

Sam closed the archive, and saw all the videos or clips that the pendrive had.

\- This is crazy - said Dean pissed off - He's a son of a bitch!

\- Dean, calm down - whispered Sam watching the screen - we should watch this videos, i guess.

\- That doesn't mean we will give up saving Castiel - answered the older sibling - we will kick his ass, and he'll send him directly to the cage again.

Sam clicked the first video, and both were shocked to see the scene in front of their eyes.

 **Lilith was dead in the old church. Her blood was spreading over the floor in a weird way. Sam's face appeared in the scene. He looked exausted and scared at the same time, while Ruby's face seemed hopefull , considering the weird event.**

 **\- What the hell! -** **said Sam**

 **\- I can't believe it - whispered Ruby getting closer to the blood's path.**

 **\- Ruby, what's happening? -** **asked Sam confused, getting closer to her.**

 **\- You did it - answered Ruby excited -** **i was a Little bit insecure for a while. But you did it.**

 **Sam's hazel eyes opened wide in fear. He didn't know what was going on exactly. The blood was "drawing"** **a weird symbol on the floor as they were talking.**

 **\- What? - asked Sam again -** **What did i do?**

 **\- You opened the door - said Ruby with a Little smile on her face -** **and now he's finally free.**

 **Sam's face was pale as a White sheet . He didn't want to think what he just had done, not even if he did it by mistake**

 **\- No, no - said the younger Winchester watching at the demon in front of him - He…Lilith… I stopped her. I killed her!.**

 **\- It was written, that the first Demon should be the last seal.**

 **Sam looked like he was in shock. Placing his hands against his head, he started getting away from Ruby.**

 **\- Oh my God - said Sam barely breathing.**

 **\- Guess again!- said Ruby with the smile intact.**

 **Right after, the blood went back to the point where it had started. That meant that the symbol was finished. Lucifer was about to come out of the cage.**

Sam stopped the video as soon as he could. He remembered the moment he commided the worst mistake in his life, the one that killed thousands of people, and also, caused him to be away from his brother for months. Letting Lucifer free affected him in a way he really couldn't explain.

Dean, for other part, looked angry.

\- Dean… - said Sam - I'm sorry. I didn't know…

\- That is in the past Sam - said Dean- i'm not angry at you. I'm angry with the Ruby bitch, who played with you. If i could go back to kill her again, i would do it.

When Dean realised that Sam wouldn't do anything to let the video continue, he pressed the "play" icon, staring at the previous moments before the end of the world began.

 **The scene continued with Dean trying to break the closed door. He needed to get in and save the world.**

 **Inside the room, things were getting strange. Sam couldn't take his eyes from the possessed woman.**

 **\- You don't even know how hard this was- explained Ruby - all the demons out for my head! No one knew. I** **was the best of those sons of bitches!**

 **Sam couldn't say a Word. He didn't want to realise that he freed the fallen angel, and the apocalypse would happen because of him.**

 **\- I was the most loyal! -** **screamed Ruby with all her power - not even Alastair knew, only Lilith!.**

 **As she saw the younger Winchester pissed face, she didn't even considered guilty for what she did . She** **was so damn proud of herself!**

 **She looked at Sam's face. She has seen that face before. The hunter was pissed, and she knew that she would die by his hands probably.**

 **\- Yeah, i'm sure you're a Little angry right now. But i mean, come on Sam! Even you have to admit it. I'm awesome! - she said laughing.**

 **\- You bitch! - said Sam angrier with every Word coming out of Ruby's mouth - You lied to me, Bitch!**

 **Sam extended his arms and focused on his objective. If he could send Ruby to hell, he could have his revenge if he died by the hands of Lucifer.**

 **But instead of that, he fell to the floor. He was weak and tired. Closing his eyes tight, tried to take a deep breath, just to feel dizzy after he didn't make it.**

 **When he got up, almost falling again in the process, saw that Ruby was getting closer to him.**

 **\- Don't hurt yourself Sammy, it's useless - said the demon calmed .**

 **\- The blood -** **said Sam weakly - you poisoned me!**

 **\- No - she said - It wasn't the blood, it was just you. I gave you the options, and you chose the right path every time!**

 **Ruby knelt next to him. She touched Sam's shoulder with softness. Looking straight at him, said in lower voice, like there was someone right there with them.**

 **\- This is a miracle, and everybody has been waiting for it - she said- You were the only one who could do it Sammy!**

 **\- Why? -** **asked Sam with tears in his eyes - Why me?**

 **\- Because it had to be you -** **she answered - and he's gonna be grateful.** **He's gonna repay you in ways that you can't even imagine!**

 **As soon as she finished saying that, Dean entered in the church with a loud presence. Walking fast, toke his knife out his pocket and went straight to her.**

 **\- You're too late, Dean -** **she said looking at him**

 **\- I don't care - said Dean with fury.**

 **Suddenly, sam got up and held Ruby's arms, while Dean stabbed her in the stomach. She fell to the ground, dead. This time she was gone forever.**

 **\- I'm sorry - said Sam looking at** **Dean -** **I'm so sorry!**

 **Dean looked at him and saw that Sam was feeling guiltly. But he was angry at him at the moment. He couldn't accept what Sam had done. If Sam would have listened to him one freaking time…**

 **The boys saw that a blinding light came from the symbol made with blood.**

 **\- Sammy, let's go - said Dean as his hand held tight his brother's jacket.**

 **\- Dean…- said Sam - he's coming…**

 **The scene ended, and the credits appeared on the screen.**

Dean and Sam didn't know what to say. They were silent for the first minutes, till Sam started talking.

\- Why did we have to see this? - asked with teary eyes - Why can't i let that moment in the past forever!

\- - Calm down Sammy! - said Dean - I know it wasn't our best moment. But, you did it thinking that the apocalypse could be avoided.

\- - I was getting poisoned, Dean!- he screamed as he got up and walked around - Everybody told me that she was bad, but i didn't listen! How many people died because of my mistake?!

\- Sam! - screamed Dean shaking his younger brother - shut the hell up! You said something years ago. Your past, is your past, and you can't change it. Even if you broke the last seal, you jumped into the pit later. Sam, even if meant spending the rest of your etenity in hell, you put an end to the freaking apocalypse!

Both boys stood in silence and went to their rooms, while the computer was still on.

The silence came back to the bunker, as Sam was still procesing what had happened, and Dean was thinking in the way to help his brother.

If Lucifer planned to destroy his brother, he would die . Sammy would be fine.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Dean came back from the bar from where he was, after he figured out that staying locked up in the bunker wouldn't solve anything. By the still damn silence in it, he knew that Sam didn't come out of his room yet. He even could tell what the kid was thinking in that moment.

He wanted to talk to his brother, but Sam was hurting, and the last thing that Sammy wanted, was to talk.

Dean went to the kitchen and made coffee, while the toasts were ready in the table. He would talk with his Little brother liked it or not. After being in the cage with the freaking Lucifer, later, be attacked by the same fallen angel , while he was trying to get the freaking "Hand of God", that after one use was just trash, Sam kept suffering. He didn't deserved that.

He rubbed his hands staring at the whole breakfast combination. Damn, he was starving just watching it. But before he would get to eat it, had to get Sam.

Knocking the room's door, waited for an answer, but after one long minute, decided to open the door anyways.

Sam was in his bed, with his long arms around his legs, and his chin reating on his knees.

\- Sam - said Dean serious - i know this sucks, okay? But you have to let the things that you lived go! We still have the computer there, waiting for us.

\- I don't know what will show the next video, Dean - whispered Sam - you'll hate me if we keep watching them. I'll be alone again.

\- No, Little brother - said Dean smiling as he sat next to his brother side - i could never hate you.

After they finished having breakfast, they went to the living room and sat in front of the computer.

Dean watched as Sam clicked the next video with shaking hands. He didn't know if convinsing Sam to watch them had been a good idea. But now were there.

 **The scene started with Sam and Ruby. While Sam was walking nerviously, Ruby was laying against the old car they were using.**

 **The scene focused on a sign. It said "St. Mary Convent. 3 Kilometres"**

 **\- Sam, it's time - said Ruby loosing her patience - Are we doing this or not?**

 **\- Give a minute to think - answered Sam after few moments. He was not sure what he would do at this point.**

 **Was he doing the right thing? Maybe the angels were right, and Dean was the only one who could stop the Apocalypse.**

 **\- Sam! - said the demon again looking at his back. She knew** **that she had to push Sam before something could happen. Before the lie that she told the hunter would come to destroy her . And that meant that she would loose Sam forever. Which, also meant saying goodbye to the apocalypse.**

 **\- Give me a damn minute, Ruby! -** **screamed Sam pissed.**

 **Ruby looked away from the young hunter, and kept playing with the knife in her hands. All that she wanted was to kill that stupid woman locked in the trunk, and make Sam drink her blood. He would need the blood if he wanted to kill Lilith.**

\- **Better think fast - she said applying pressure on him**

 **Taking his cell phone, he dialed his voice messages, and placed it against his ear.**

 **He needed to hear Dean's message. In that moment, all that he needed was his big brother by his side.**

 **"** **Listen to me, you blood sucking freak. Dad always said that i have to save you, or kill you… Well, i'm giving you a fair warning.**

 **I'm done trying to save you. You're a monster Sam, a vampire. You're not you anymore, and there's no going back."**

 **Tears filled Sam's eyes, as Ruby smiled in the background.**

 **What he heard was not what he really espected. He knew that Dean was furious at him, hell, even told him the same speach that their father said to him when he left for Stanford. But deep inside, Sam knew that he deserved those hurtful words.**

 **How many lies had he told his brother? How dark he became since he trusted a freaking demon, that later turned into his lover? Dean was right, there was no going back this time.**

Dean watched the scene, and felt confused. That was not what he said to him. Maybe the video was wrong, thought.

But what he thought vanished when he saw Sam's face. Sam was holding the tears in his eyes, while he pretended that didn't notice that Dean was staring at him.

\- Sam, what's wrong in this clip? - he asked pausing the video- I never said that!

Sam looked at him, and the tears made their way down his face.

\- Yeah, right… - said the younger Winchester ironically - you know that you said those words. You were pissed Dean, and i deserved it.

Dean got up and punched his brother in the face. Sam fell from his chair and looked at him scared.

\- You son of a bitch! - said Dean angry, as he held his brother's shirt and lifted him up, just to push him agains the wall - i swear i never said those words. How could you think that?

\- What did you say, then? - asked Sam trying to sound angry - Because i still have that message in my cell phone.

\- I said to you that i was sorry for what i said. That i wasn't dad! I told you that we were brothers, dammit! - said the older Winchester shaking his younger sibling.

Dean let his brother get away from the wall. He knew that Sam heard the message, to be sure of what was he was going to do. And someone changed it. Probably Zacharia, or another freaking angel.

\- Are you ok Sammy? - asked the older Winchester as he watched his brother's red eyes and pale face.

\- Yeah, now i am - said Sam clearing his throat - i thought that you hated me. That's why i decided to keep doing what i thought was right.

\- Why would you think that i could say that to you, Sam? - asked Dean worried - you know me. Even if i'm angry at you, i would never hurt you that way. You're my Little brother, and i'm here to save you every time you need to be saved!

\- You said i was a monster before - said Sam looking down - when we fought in the motel, and then you told me that if i walked out through that freaking door, i'd have to go away forever

Suddenly, Dean remembered that moment in his life. He did it, he called Sammy a monster. So, he had all his reason to believed what the massage said when he heard it for the first time.

The guilt was killing him now. And he didn't know what to say.

\- I'm sorry Sam- he said honestly - i know i called you like that. I've been wrong, really wrong. You've never been a monster. You're my Little pain in the ass Little brother.

After ten minutes, both boys sat again in the chairs, and kept watching the scene.

 **Sam's face looked hurt. He knew what he had to do now.**

 **Turning around, he looked at the demon, and said two simple words, that would be the start of the end of the world.**

 **\- Do it -** **he said with ice cold voice.**

 **Ruby looked at the hunter, and knew that Sam would be by her side. She didn't** **know what he heard, but it was not good according to his face.**

 **\- Thank God - said before she opened the trunk and killed the woman as fast as she could.**

 **(End of the scene)**

Sam closed the video and looked at Dean. Both boys watched each other and felt peace with themselves. Even if watching those videos weren't the best thing to do, they remembered them that even if they made mistakes, they would always be by each other's side. No matter what.

Sam clicked the next video, while Dean strechted his legs.

 **The scene started with Sam and Dean walking through a parking lot. Sam watched Dean confused, while Dean seemed to be having fun at the situation.**

 **\- You think this is an office building, right? -** **asked Dean while he opened the glass door -** **Sorry, wrong.**

 **Suddenly the office building changed. It was a warehouse.**

\- What the heck?! - asked Dean confused - i don't remember doing that!

\- It's because you didn't do that - answered Sam looking down - it was Lucifer.

\- But… - started saying Dean - where was i?

\- I don't remember where you were. But if i'm not mistaken, you'll appear later.

 **Sam looked scared. He watched Dean searching for an explanation, becuase he couldn't understand what just happened.**

 **\- Where the hell are we? - he asked to his brother .**

 **\- Oh, you think i'm Dean! - said Dean smiling while he changed his shape, turning into Lucifer - You poor son of a bitch…**

 **\- Stay the hell away from me -** **said Sam in low voice, while he was walking in the opposite direction.**

 **\- Your world is whatever i want it to be, you understand? -** **said Lucifer with a serious face.**

 **Sam turned around violently and took his gun.**

 **\- Leave me alone! -** **he shouted while he shot the wall of the warehouse.**

 **The scene showed Sam alone in the middle of the place, talking with anybody. He was getting worst every single minute that passed.**

 **\- Now, we're getting there -** **said Lucifer, watching Sam turning around to shoot him - You're getting craaazy!**

 **\- Shut up -** **whispered Sam pissed.**

\- **I won't shut up Sammy! I'm having so much fun playing with your mind!**

 **\- I said shut up! - shouted Sam again, while he shot in the devil's direction again.**

 **\- Wanna use that gun with someone usefull? - taunted Lucifer, appearing in front of Sam - try with you, right in your face.**

 **The Young hunter looked scared and cover in sweat. Sam was holding the gun nerviously, as he tried to make his heart beat slower. His whole world was falling, and knew that he would fall along with it.**

 **\- You wanna know the truth? Do you wanna skip to the last page of the book? You know where to aim, cowboy -** **said the fallen angel to the younger Winchester pointing his "gun", made with his fingers to his throat.**

 **Sam looked at him, and then looked to the floor. This couldn't be happening. Was he right? Would he end up dead? What would think Dean of him if he did that?**

 **Then, the real Dean appeared on the scene. He got out of the car, and looked around, trying to find his broken brother. Opening the door of the warehouse, shouted his brother's name.**

 **\- Sam... Sam! -** **shouted Dean.**

 **When Sam saw the Dean that came from the outside, other Dean was at his side.**

 **\- Oh, look! Another me! -** **said Lucifer taking Dean's shape again - which one of us is the real Dean, Sammy?**

 **Sam looked at both Deans. For what he knew, the real Dean was working on a Leviathan case.**

 **\- Sam what are you doing? -** **asked the Dean that recently joined into the scene.**

 **Without hasitating, the younger Winchester aimed the gun to the new Dean. But this Dean, reacted different from the other one.**

 **\- Wow** **…** **Wow! - said Dean taking few steps back.**

 **\- I thought i was with you, Dean -** **said Sam breaking his strong appearence in front of him.**

 **\- Ok. Well…** **here i am - Dean answered placing one hand on his chest.**

 **\- No, No…** **I can't know that for sure - he continued feeling his lips tembling - you understand me?**

 **\- We will start small -** **said Dean taking a slow step forward.**

 **Sam's eyes were full opened, and his breath was quick and elaborated. He didn't know if he should shoot this version of** **Dean. He could be the real one, an hallucination or Lucifer. Nothing made sense at that point.**

 **\- I don't remember driving here - said for himself outloud.**

 **\- Well…** **That's because i drove - said Lucifer looking at Dean - Sam is very sugestible.**

 **Sam shot again where Lucifer's had been, but he dissappeared before the bullet could get him.**

 **\- Wow, Sam! -** **said Dean, now scared for his brother's life - This discution does not require a weapon's discharge!**

Dean looked at the two Deans on the screen. Now he understood why Sam was acting that way. Lucifer was messing with his Little brother's head in a very dangerous way.

Only thinking that Sam could have used that gun to shoot at himself made him wanna throw up, so he decided to stop thinking about that possibility. Sam was alive, and sitting next to him.

For other part, Sam was sad. Watching himself so helpless, hurted him. He never saw himself so weak, so confused.

\- I never knew that you were like that - said Dean placing his hand in Sam's shoulder - That son of a bitch made you his puppet. I'm gonna rip the devil's lungs out!

\- I was miserable - said Sam with his mind lost somewhere in his thoughts - just look the mess i was, Dean.

\- You were scared, Sam. You reacted better than i would have done - said the older Winchester trying to make his pain in the ass Little brother feel like a hero, because he was a fucking hero - watching this, makes me be your number one fan. I will get tattoed your face on my arm, you'll see!

Sam laughed and a dimple showed in his cheeck. Dean would never admit it, but Sam's laugh was music to his ears, even, if it was one that he made when he was feeling bad.

\- You're stupid - said Sam punching him in a friendly way - you knew that, right?

\- I think that i'm adorable - said Dean smiling - let's finish the scene and stop talking about like a freaking girl.

 **Sam took a deep breath and tried to think clear. He needed to try at least.**

 **\- Look at me - said Dean being closer to his brother - Come on. You don't know what's real?**

 **Taking Sam's silence as a "I don't know what the hell is going on" he kept talking. He needed Sam back.**

 **\- Men, i went through hell - said watching the younger sibling, feeling how the real world was appearing again in front of the man's eyes - I know a thing or two about torture. Enough to know that it feels different, and the pain…**

 **\- How can you know that for sure? -** **asked Sam** **interrupting him.**

 **\- Give me your hand -** **said Dean as he watched the Young man lifting the hand holding the gun - no, the other one. Let me see the hand!**

 **Suddenly, Lucifer's voice distracted him. Watching behind him, he saw the angel watching him with an evil smile.**

 **Dean took adventage of his brother's distraction, and took his injured hand. Sam flinched at the touch, trying to get away, but Dean was stronger.**

 **\- Hey! This is real - said the older Winchester serious - Not a year ago, not in hell, Now! I was with you when you got hurt. I gave you the damn stiches in it. Look!**

 **Right after he said that, the fingers pressed Sam's injured hand.**

 **For a moment, Sam couldn't breath. Pain was coming from his hand, and Dean was pressing the injured area. Or maybe it wasn't Dean. Lucifer was not in sight, but that didn't mean that he was safe from his torture.**

 **But he saw him few moments later. Lucifer was standing next to Dean. And he was disappearing when Dean pressed the not healed wound. What the heck was happening?**

 **\- We've done a lot more with pain - said the devil - you're getting weaker, man! I made you more hurtful things and you know it!**

 **\- This is different! -** **shouted Dean exagerating every Word while he pressed harder on the wound - Different Than the crap that is behind that wall, right?!**

 **I'm different, right?!**

 **\- Yeah, i think so - said the younger hunter between breaths while he rubbed his injured hand.**

 **He watched the devil, and pressed the bloody wound. The pain in his hand was killing him, but it didn't matter. If he could get rid of the angel, he could find a way to show his brother he could manage to live like a "normal" person.**

 **\- You sure about that, bunk buddy? -** **asked Lucifer before disappearing.**

 **\- Hey! I'm your real brother. I'm the only one that can kick your ass in real time - said Dean trying to make him undestand - you got away. We got you out Sammy!**

 **Sam's breath pattern was stable now. He searched for a sign of the devil, but he seemed to be gone for now.**

 **\- You have to believe me! - said Dean desesperated and scared - you have to make a stone number one, and build on it!**

\- **I believe you - said Sam looking at his real brother.**

 **(End of the scene)**

\- Thank you, Dean - said Sam looking at Dean.

\- Thanks for what Sammy? - said Dean still afected for what he saw - what have i done?

\- You always saved me. You always were there for me - answered Sam - You're the best big brother.

\- Enough - said the older Winchester getting up of his chair and closing the laptop - too many emotions for today. Let's go have a beer and watch Game of Thrones.

\- You said it! - said the younger hunter chuckling

\- But... - said Dean - you'll have to delete that message from your voice messages, and later, give me an explanation why you kept it.

Sam looked at him impressed. He thought that his brother forgot about the damn message. What could he say to him? Because it was the way he had to remember himself that he'd done everything wrong?

But nothing else was more important in that moment, than spending time with his hero, his big brother.

He smiled at Dean, and left the living room, leaving the rest of the videos for another time.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Four days passed, and neither of the boys remembered the videos that were saved in the laptop.

In those days, they found an interesting case about a werewolfe that killed two people in Alabama. They ended up killing the man, and his werewold girlfriend too. As usual, they slept in a crappy and broken motel room, as they did all their lives.

As soon they came back into the bunker, Sam went straight to bed, and Dean sat silently holding his almost empty beer bottle.

Watching at the old trunk that both had, with photographs and other memories, he remembered the videos that Lucifer left to them.

He thought that he should wake his brother up, to watch the rest of the videos together, but when he saw his brother deeply slept, decided that he would watch one of them at least.

In a state between drunk and excited, smiled as he turned on the computer. When Dean found them, got ready and comfortable to watch the next video on the play list.

 **The scene started with Sam leaving his brother's dead body in his room. His limp arms remained still once Sam stood at the side of the bed, with teary eyes, and a broken soul.**

 **Sam felt lost. His brother told him earlier that he would try to kill Metatron no mattered what happen, and Sam didn't really expected the " no matter what" could have ended like that.**

 **Now he had nobody. He was alone in the world, for good this time. Dean was dead…**

 **The scene focused on Dean's face. He had gashes, with dry blood in them, his skin was turning grey, and his natural lips color were turning into a pale one.**

 **Sam appeared in the scene again, trying to hold the tears in his eyes and a cry in his throat, that if he would let them flow, it would be the end of the strong figure he thought he was.**

 **He felt guilty, after saying to Dean that he wasn't goint to save him anymore, to hurt his brother the way he did with him. Which meant that he knew that he couldn't let the things that way. He still could save his brother. He just needed to think which way was the best. Who could help him to get his brother back?**

Sam told him what he'd been through when he died stabbed by Metatron, but he never expected watching Sam so broken. It hurt like hell watching his Little brother feeling that way.

But he understood what his brother felt in that moment. When Sammy died, his world came down in just one second. Damn, he still had nightmares about that moment in his life, in Cold Oak, holding his Little brother, bleeding out, just to watch him die in his arms.

\- Sammy, i hate to see you like that - whispered while he finished his third bottle of the night - i'm sorry. You shouldn't have gone through that.

Pressing the play icon, kept watching the scene.

 **The youngest Winchester was sitting in living room of the bunker, with the lights off, and drinking alcohol in silence. He drank the liquid in his glass in one freaking second, and kept doing the same thing. He wasn't the type of guy that liked to drink Alcohol, but sometimes it was the** **only cure when you have a broken heart.**

 **Suddenly, Sam put the glass over the wood table, and the tears started appearing down his face. He wanted to see his brother, but in that condition it wouldn't be good, specially with his so damn fragil** **state at the moment. His brother's face when he died was still appearing in his mind every time he blinked, like an eternal torture.**

 **\- Dean - said Sam barely moving his heavy mouth because of the drunk state - i need you brother!**

 **He got up angry, and throwned the bottle against the wall. Alcohol and glass bits were now everywhere, but it didn't matter.**

 **His legs gave out, and he fell on his knees, covering his face with his hands.**

 **\- Fuck off with the pact that we made, Dean - said outloud as the tears were still sliding down his face - i'll bring you back, no matter what i'll have to do.**

 **Once he was on the bunker's dungeon, watched the things that his brother took with the plan to escape when he was locked in there. He should have known that Dean did whatever he wanted, specially with the Mark on his arm.**

 **\- Dammit, Crowley - he whispered - you got him into this mess. You will get him out, or so help me God…**

 **Without doubting, took a match from the cardboard box, and set fire on it.**

 **Searching for the right spell, he couldn't see that Crowley watched him from behind, leaving him alone in the room, heading where Dean's body was.**

 **Crowley had a plan, a bright plan where the older Winchester was invoved, and had to do it before Sam would see him.**

 **Standing in the door's frame, Crowley watched the dead man's body.**

 **Sitting on the chair next to the door, placed a hand in his face, while the other one was making sure that the First Blade was still in the pocket of his coat.**

 **\- Your brother, bless his sould - started Crowley -** **is summoning me as we speak. He wants to make a deal, bring you back from the dead land. He's pissed at me right now.**

 **He didn't talk for one second, waiting for Dean to get up like magic, and try to kill him. Hearing the silence in the room, continued talking, before the real fun would begin.**

 **\- Everything became so…** **expected - said taking a** **deep breath -** **But you have to believe me. When i told you to take the Mark of Cain, i didn't know that this was going to happen… Not really.**

Dean watched the scene in front of his eyes, and wished he could get inside it to kill Crowley. Because of him he almost killed his Little brother, and also freed the Darkness to destroy the world. And the worst part of that? That because he had the damn mark, he could never be able to kill the Darkness. The bond between them was too strong, stronger that he thought it would be.

For other part, for his good luck, and Sammy's luck too, he never made a deal with his Little brother to bring him back.

\- Dammit Crowley! - said Dean relieved - i never thought i would say this, but thank you for avoiding Sam. If he would have sold his soul for me… you wouldn't be breathing right now.

Watching dissapointed at the empty beer bottle by his side, decided to finish the video before he would keep drinking. Or maybe take a rest from drinking. Dean was a Little drunk at the moment, and knew that he would regret it in the morning. The Morning headches because of the hungover were the worst ones.

 **\- I may not have told you the entire truth, but i've never lied to you - said the demon - I never** **lied, Dean! That's important, i believe. But, there is one story about Cain that i might have forgotten to tell you…**

 **Dean's face was more paler than before. Death was taking from him the last sips of life that his empty body had, while the King of hell talked to him, and his drunk brother was yalling pissed for Crowley to appear where he was.**

 **\- Aparently, he also was willing to accept Death rather than becoming the killer the mark wanted him to be - said Crowley thoughful - he took his life with his own blade, the First Blade. He died, but the mark never quite let him go, never let him rest in peace along with his dear dead brother Abel. He became what he always hated, a demon.**

 **Taking the first blade from the coat's pocket, got up and stood next the bed where the dead hunter was.**

 **\- I don't know if it was true - he said moving the blade around his hands - but if it works, you'll come with me, being different. I have to try this, Dean. I hope you'll understand.**

 **Pressing the handgrip of the First Blade against the older Winchester cold and lifeless hand, took his arm and put it against his still chest.**

 **\- I prefer to think that miracles can come true - said the King of Hell waiting for something to happen - listen to me, Dean Winchester. What you're feeling right now, it's not Death, it's Life! A new** **kind of life. Open your eyes, Dean. See what i see. Feel what i feel. Let's go get the world. Let's make our own rules, without nobody asking questions about our desitions…**

 **The scene showed Dean's face. He was quiescent as Death could leave him.** **But that changed in a second.**

 **The mark on his arm started glowing with a powerful red color. His heart started beating again, making the blood run through his body. A weak but steady pulse could be felt on his wrists and neck, and his ribcage expanded, taking all the precious air that he could take.**

 **His eyes opened later, and were a black color. Dean Winchester was a Demon.**

Dean was surprised to hear Crowley's speach. He never really knew that Cain commite suicide and came back to find that he was a monster.

Dean remembered how he felt with the mark, when the freaking thing was taking control of him after Sam cured him.

It was not descriptible at all. But if he could say what he felt in some poor words, he could say that were rage, desire for power, urge to kill, and wanting to be left alone.

Sam, of course, never did what he wanted. He fought tooth and nails to save him from the dark, just like he did for him when he was addicted to the Demon Blood.

Dean got up from the chair, and went to his brother's room. Shaking him, saw that he was still waking up, while streched his sore arms.

\- What the hell, Dean?! - asked Sam with a raspy voice - something wrong?

\- No, nothing's wrong Little brother - he said smiling at him - get up, we have things to do.

\- Like what? - asked Sam resting his head on the comfortable pilow under his head - we recently came back from a long case. Don't you think that we deserve at least one day free?

\- I'm not talking about that - said the older Winchester forcing Sam into a sitting position - i need to watch another video, and you have to be there with me too.

Sam got up while he rubbed his eyes, and tried to fix hair, with a useless effort.

Once they were sitting in the kitchen, Dean took the computer, and made clicked the video that was on the list. Making coffee for the two of them, saw that Sam was resting his head in the table while his brother wasn't watching him. Sam slept for three hours and was still tired. He was becoming a princess!

 **Sully appeared first of the scene. Sam and him were in the motel room that John paid for him to stay, while Dean and John were hunting.**

 **\- Ok, i got one -** **said the voice of a Young Sam to his imaginary friend.**

 **\- Hit me - said Sully with a big smile.**

 **Sam appeared in the center of the scene. His hair was short, and his eyes showed happines, hope.**

 **\- Ever think…** **you could fly? - asked the Little boy.**

 **\- Sometimes…** **\- answered Sully laughing - like in really windy days. You?**

 **\- I used to, but i broke my arm - said Sam making fun of himself.**

 **Both laughed and watched through the open window. It was a perfect sunny day, where it wasn't cold ot hot. The perfect day for him to go outside, if he could do it.**

 **\- Your turn -** **said the Young Sam.**

 **\- Ok…** **\- said the Imaginary Friend concentrated - Ever think… you can eat ten waffles in five minutes?**

 **\- I hope so - answered the Little boy excited -** **When i'm big i'll try it. Can you?**

 **\- I tried it once -** **said Sully thoughful - But after that something happened.**

 **Sully pretended he wanted to throw up, and they ended up laughing again.**

\- Look at you Sammy! - said Dean, remembering the old times when his giant brother was just a kid - you were cute and Little!

\- I wasn't that Little - said Sam smiling, showing the one dimple in his cheeck.

\- You'll always be my Little brother - explained Dean - no matter how big you'll be,Sammy.

\- Shut up Jerk - said Sam surprised by his brother's good mood.

\- Bitch - answered Dean, showing his brother his middle finger.

 **\- Ever think about running away? -** **asked Sam turning his happy face to a serious one**

 **\- From you? -** **asked Sully surprised - No way!**

 **\- No, i mean, from here - said Sam nervious - all of these…** **the hunting life.**

 **\- Do you? - asked Sully concerned, as he watched Sam looking to the floor, pretending to be fine.**

 **The Young Sam nodded with his head. He was afraid of what Sully could think of his question. Would he judge him? Or he would follow him no matter what, like he promised?**

 **Sully rubbed his hands, trying to find the words to say. He wasn't expecting to hear that question from a Little boy, with just nine years old.**

 **\- Ever think that maybe you wanna go to school, make some friends? -** **asked Sully with serious voice.**

 **\- But, i have you! - said the Little Sam, thinking that it was the obvious answer.**

 **\- Yeah, you do - said the Imaginary Friend getting to the point where he wanted to be -** **but, one day you won't.**

 **Sam's face changed. Why would happen? Why Sully had to go one day?**

 **Sully was the only one that could understand him those days, even more than Dean, because he was always away with his dad, hunting things.**

 **When they were younger, his brother had been the one that knew everything about him. But now it looked like he preferred to hunt rather than spend time with him. Before he would go hunting, he begged to his brother to stay with him.**

 **But, a "No, Sammy. I'm sorry, i have to do this" was the only response that he heard every time he did that.**

 **Being alone, locked in a motel room was boring after few hours. And he couldn't even go out to play videogames or take a walk. He could get outside if he was without food, that happened when their abscense was longer** **than John and Dean thought.**

 **One normal day, Sam was sitting in one bed of the room, listening to the clock's sounds. He was feeling bored, and sad being alone. And then Sully appeared, and he felt understood. He wasn't even scared when he showed up misteriously in the room. He felt safe for the first time since Dean was not taking care of him.**

 **\- Sam, i want you to listen to me -** **whispered Sully - you can be whatever you want to be. You're not Dean, you're not your dad. You are Sam. And let me** **tell you this…** **Sam is so awesome!**

 **Sully laughed, and watched how the happines came back to the kid's face. He needed to protect Sam. He needed to say to him that there was another world out there, with lots of different possibilities and chances to be happy.**

 **\- Do you imagine running away? -** **asked Sam excited - my dad would kill me!**

 **\- Well, it's your choice to make, Sam - said Sully looking at him, giving him strenght - It's your life. I mean, all is up to you!**

 **Sam thought about Sully's words. What could happen if he ran away?**

 **Sam looked at Sully, and said what he really wanted to say.**

 **\- Ok- he said with security while he thought about what could happen in his knew stile of life.**

 **\- Okay?! -** **asked Sully getting up from the bed excited.**

 **\- Let's go! - said Sam smiling.**

 **(End of the scene)**

Dean didn't want to think about what he saw. He liked Sully before, but now he could punch that son of a bitch in the face.

Looking at his brother, saw that Sam acted odd.

\- Really?! - he asked pissed - you were gonna go away from us?

\- I didn't do it, Dean - answered Sam looking down.

\- But you were about to do that! - screamed Dean - how could you even think about that?! What about me and dad?! He couldn't protect anyone, and anyone includes you , Sammy! He was just a crappy imaginary friend!

\- You changed when dad started working with you in the hunting trips - Sam tried to explained - I was alone… And i felt like i had nobody. I knew i could always count on you. You told me to call you if i needed to talk with somebody about my fears or problems. But you were having enough problems being so Young, and hunting. I didn't want to bother you anymore. I didn't want to hunt. So, i thought that if i could get away, it would be easier for you two.

\- - You were wrong, Sammy - said Dean feeling guilty - i was 13 years old, i know i was Young . But it was my job to make you feel safe, happy. I wish i could have noticed how affected you were while i was gone. Sorry Sammy!

\- Don't be sorry - he said to his brother - it wasn't anybody's fault. I was just a kid. I didn't understand why you had to do that.

Dean had not been always present in his Little brother's life, and that was hard to admit.

Watching his brother being so Little and innocent, made him wanna hug him. Somewhere deep, he knew that the Little Sam's dreams were probably still in there, waiting to be come true.

Sadly, that could never happen. If he could make that for his brother, he would do it without thinking twice.

 **-** Do you want to go play pool in a bar? - asked Dean getting up from the chair.

\- Now? - asked Sam - i want to sleep rather than be in a place full of drunk and violent people, Dean.

\- Whatever, Samantha - he said taking his jacket - i'll go out. I will come in few hours.

When he heard the heavy door of the bunker be closed, Sam entered in his room and looked at himself in the mirror, searching for the old Sam Winchester, saying that his kid version was right.

But for his surprise, he didn't find himself wanting that, not even in the deepst place of his soul. He had a home, family and friends. He was a happy and proud men being who he really was, and always had been. A hunter…


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

After three hours, Dean came tired as hell, and went straight to bed. His headche was killing him, and knew that coffee wouldn't help with his drunk state. He needed to close his eyes...like yesterday.

He had left the bunker earlier bacause of guilt. Watching Sam being Little, hearing his high, but cute voice, remembered him those simple days where everything was so… easy. Not only between them, but also with John. But, at the same time it was complicated and hard. When he turned 12 years old John took him for his first hunt. So, at 13 years old, he was still practising, and was trying to show his dad what he could do. He was scared, but he wouldn't show it, because he was a damn Winchester.

What Sam didn't know was that all that he wanted was to stay with him, instead of hunting things . But showing weakness to his Little brother would have been worst for him.

Not really conscious about everything else than his hevavy eyes, he took off his jeans, got in his bed, and slept with only his shirt and boxers on.

While Dean was out, Sam didn't sleep. He kept Reading the books to find a way help Castiel. The only thing that could keep Lucifer trapped while he would try to make their angel friend take control of his body was the holy fire, but Lucifer wouldn't be that stupid to think that there wasn't a trap or a plan B. And Castiel didn't want to be saved, according to what he said to him, while Dean was searching for "The Hand of God".

Exhaling heavily, decided that he would go buy things that they needed, like coffee and food.

While he was driving back home, he saw a girl in the middle of the parking lot staring at at him. She had black eyes and was smiling in a very odd way.

He knew that he had to kill her, to prevent whatever she could do against him, or against his brother. He left all the bags with the things he bought in the car, and started walking to an alley.

When he made sure that nobody could see him, saw with a quick look that the girl was still following him.

He stopped at the end of the alley, while he was repeting the exorcism's spell in his mind, just in case he would need it

\- Winchester…- said the possesed girl - you're still alive! I would kill you, but Lucifer has bigger plans for your pretty body and soul.

Turning around, he saw that she had a gun, and she was about to pull the trigger.

\- You're scared of Lucifer? Poor Little demon…I've been in hell with him. He tortured me, and i'm not scared of the freaking bastard. - said Sam as he walked forward to where she was - You can't kill me, because you're a scared son of a bitch!

\- Don't give me ideas, boy - said the demon - because you can end up pretty bad. You know that, right?

Suddenly, she pressed the trigger, and shot the hunter. Sam fell to the groung holding his bledding shoulder. As he tried to get up, and grab the "demon's knife" in the back pocket of his jeans, saw that the she looked at him scared. The demon really didn't know how the Winchesters were, Sam suppossed.

The demon decided to leave the woman's body, and then, she fell unsconcious.

Sam ran to her, and ignoring the pain in his shoulder, he searched for injuries. Not finding anything wrong apart from a simple cut, decided to leave her there.

But before he did that, he took the gun with him. He walked back where the car was, and decided to take a look at the shoulder to stop the bleeding while he drove. He was going to take care of his hurt shoulder at home.

Dean woke up to find that Sam was gone, and so was the Impala.

\- Dammit, Sammy! - screamed pissed - i told you to leave me a note if you took my baby out!.

He waited for one hour, till he heard the Impala's engine in the outside. Sam was going to hear his words, as soon as he would be at home.

\- What the hell were you thinking taking my car, Sam?! - said angry to his brother - I'm still trying to figure out why her engine stopped suddenly. And you have the clever idea of taking her outside!

Dean looked at his brother for the first time, and saw that his brother's face was pale and sweatty. He was trying to pretend that he was ok. But he knew that something was wrong in him.

But then, he saw it. Blood was on his brother's shirt, and it was coming from his body.

"Fantastic, Sam is bleeding again", thought Dean as he watched his brother walking towards a chair in the living room.

\- Are you ok, Sammy? - asked worried.

Sam didn't answer, and one second later, Sam's fell on his knees. He held his shoulder thightly, while the room was spinning around him. The Bloodloss was afecting him more than he thought.

\- Wow, Sammy! - shouted Dean while he helped his brother sit on a chair - talk to me,man!

\- She… A demon attacked me - said Sam closing his eyes - she shot me. And then, got out of the woman's body.

\- Why? - asked Dean with rage - that son of a bitch…

Dean saw how his brother was about to pass out, shook him, making him stay awake.

\- Hey! Stay awake! - he said worried . let's go to bed and take the bullet out your shoulder.

\- Dee… - said Sam being helped by his brother to get up.

\- Don't you dare saying that you can take care of yourself - Dean said, while his brother supported all his weight in him - If you could have taken care of yourself, your shouler wouldn't have been shot, idiot!

Few hours later, both Winchesters were in the living room. Sam was drinking coffee, while Dean was drinking a beer.

\- Are you better? - asked Dean looking at the bandages in his brother's shoulder - you can take one more pill if you feel pain.

\- I'm fine, Dean - said Sam for the third time in five minutes - you don't have to remind me that thing every two frigging seconds. I am fine!

\- Yeah, sure you are not in pain, Sam - said the older Winchester ironically - Just let me know if you're hurting, ok?

\- Yes, mom… - said Sam giving him a bitch face in response.

\- Hey,now that we're here - started saying the older hunter - we can keep watching the videos. There' s only two or three left to see, luckily.

\- Sure - said the younger Winchester - Let's watch our perfect life…

Dean pretended that he didn't hear what his brother said, and watched the next video on the playlist.

 **The scene started with Sam in the hospital, while Dean was taking the baby to a safe place along with Jenna.**

 **He had bloody cuts on his face, and the black veins in his throath were extended as the hours passed. Eventually, he would become one of those things, and he would be a killer just like them.**

 **Walking through the hallways of the hospital, he saw a sign that showed the floors and installations of it. Looking, saw that it said "Chapel" on it. Following the indications, he found the place without problems**

 **Entering in the chapel, stared at the dark room, and closed he door behind him.**

\- Wait - said Dean, stopping the video - this happened when you were infected?

\- Yeah - said Sam looking every where, except his brother - but i don't think that you will want to watch that. Let's just move on with another video.

\- What's in this video that you don't want me to find out Sam? - asked Dean pissed - are you hiding things from me again?

\- No, i'm not hiding things from you, Dean - he said looking at him with a scared look - this part is when i prayed, and it's kind of…

\- I'll find out anyways, Sam - said The older Winchester interrupting him - i always asked myself about what you said in the hospital while you were infected. Now that i have the chance, i will see it like it or not. Big brother's are the ones that do everything they want, little brothers shut their cake hole

Sam didn't want an argument, so he decided to keep quiet.

 **Sam watched at the saints statues nervious. Probably, this was another stupid thing that he would remember in the future. But if God was out there, maybe he was going to heard him.**

 **\- So…** **\- started saying Sam while he rubbed his hands trying to calm his thoughts - I know it's been a long time since i've prayed. But, Dean and I went through a lot of bad,** **and this is different than anything else i've done so far.**

 **It felt weird talking outloud about his sins, his failures. A part of him told him to shut his mouth, but his conscious kept him talking. The guilt and fear were making a mess of him from inside. Also, he could tell that knew that he was dying by the infection. The black veins were already thicker and they went up to his jaw. And for what he knew, there was no cure for this kind of things, not even in the books that they had in the bunker.**

\- **This is my fault, and i don't know how to fix it - continued the younger Winchester - and if i have to die, i'm ok with that. After all, i deserve it. But, please, Dean deserves better. He deserves to be happy, to have a life.**

 **He looked at his hands, while his hair covered his hurt face. He felt guilty about releasing the Darkness, but he would do it again if it meant saving his big brother. He owned him, and Dean deserved better.**

 **Dean would have lived with the mark, away from him, and suffering till the end of times. He wouldn't allow that to happen. No if he was alive and kicking. If he died, Dean would have to move on without him, like it or not.**

 **He told himself so many times that Dean had been selfish, that he saved him just to have someone by his side. But the truth was that it wasn't like that. It has never been like that.**

 **Dean and him... needed each other like the air they breathed. They would do anything, because even if they would have to sacrifice themselves, they always imagined that the perfect life for them was to see the other sibling safe and sound. And those actions always got one of them pissed, becuase they loved each other so much, that they couldn't see the other suffering.**

Dean felt like he wanted to hug his broken brother in that moment. Sam was dying, and all that his brother prayed for, was for him to be safe, to be helped by the grace of God.

 **\- Also, good people are going to suffer because of me -** **he said feeling all the guilt trying to pull him down, making him feel like the bad guy - I'm not asking you to clean my mess. Hell, i don't even know if you're out there… But… if you are, and you can hear me, we need your help God. We need hope, we need a sign.**

 **The scene focused on Sam's face. He wanted to feel like he was doing one damn thing fine, at least for once. Also, he wanted to call his brother, tell him what was happening. But doing that would make things worst. If he died, and he was almost sure of that, the last thing that he wanted to see was his brother suffering for him again.**

 **Going out of the chapel, he heard the dead silence of the hospital. He never really liked hospitals, and being in there was more difficult than he thought it would be.**

 **As he was walking through the corridor, a really strong headche made his legs stop hold his weight, falling on his knees and hands.**

 **(Begining of flashback)…** **He saw himself in hell. His eyes were forced to be opened by hooks, and blood covered his body. His stomach had hooks that went through his body, entering inside of him from side to side. He screamed, while the chains were the only ones that kept him standing…** **(End of flashback).**

\- What the hell was that?! - asked Dean when he recovered after seeing that - tell me that it's not what i think.

\- Yes, it is - said Sam avoinding his gaze - It was a funny way to torture, for him, the first years i'd been in hell.

Dean was still thinking about what he saw. He always imagined what his Little brother went through in hell, but he wasn't ready to see it. Even if it was few seconds, made him wanna go back and save his brother, instead of living an Apple pie life with Lisa and Ben. He was sure that Lucifer made worst things to Sam. His brother never told him what had been "his hell", and now, he knew that he he didn't only made it because of the bad memories, but also becuase he knew how bad he would feel about it.

Dean stood in silence, and tried to finish watching the scene while all that he wanted was to throw up.

 **Sam was still on the floor, with his eyes shuted, and his face showing signs of pain.**

 **Remembering those moments was making him hard to breathe. He never really forgot those moments in hell, but he didn't want to remember himself like that. He was at the mercy of the freaking devil, he was his favourite toy, since Adam was in a corner crying, too broken for the angels to have fun with him.**

 **When the pain a little bit dissappeared, he recovered his normal breath pattern and got up still feeling that his head was going to explode.**

 **\- What is that supposed to mean?! -** **shouted Sam pretending to be** **angry, when the reality was that he was scared, really scared.**

 **(End of the scene)**

The boys stood in silence, and Sam clicked the next video, wanting to forget about what he saw.


	5. Chapter 5

**I know that this Chapter is short, but i decided to do the last two scenes in different chapters. So, the next episode will be the last one.**

 **I want to thank all of you, for following and leaving awesome comments.**

 **I have new fics in my mind, so as soon as i finish the ones that i'm writing, i will start new ones…**

Chapter 5

 **The scene showed Sam in a park. The place was amazing, just like the movies he knew that Jess liked, with romantic places that made you want to be in love.**

 **But that was not his exactly case in that moment. He was in the bridge of he park desesperated. Amelia texted him to meet her in there, and he looked for her for the last fifteen minutes, without succesful results.**

 **\- Amelia! -** **shouted Sam again, expecting to see her in front of him like magic - Amelia, where are you?! This isn't funny anymore!**

 **He waited in silence for few seconds, maybe expecting to hear her voice. But nothing happened…** **Again.**

 **"** **Dog" was also with Sam. Since he rescued him, the animal didn't want to be away from him.**

 **He tried to give in adoption, but deep inside, he knew that the only thing that he did right in this last few months was protecting that dog. He couldn't protect his brother, and now "Dog" was everything he had left, along with Amelia, that had a broken heart, just like him.**

 **Suddenly, he was distracted, when he saw that the dog ran through the bridge, and kept running, dissapperaring from his sight. The animal never did that. It was weird from "Dog" to do that. He called it's name, but the animal didn't come back.**

 **\- Great! -** **said Sam frustrated - now i have to find not only Amelia. This** **is my lucky day...**

 **He followed the path that the dog passed moments ago , and found the the animal sitting next to a woman, that moments later knew it was her.**

 **\- What…** **\- he asked almost whispering before she shouted.**

 **\- Happy Birthday Sam! -** **shouted Amelia opening her arms excited.**

 **He didn't remember that it was his birthday, not really since Dean was not here to say "Happy Birthday, Bitch".**

 **When he looked at her, saw the wall that could help him stand when he was having bad moments, the arms that so many nights comforted him while he was having nightmares in the middle of the night.**

 **He saw his new "home", where he could feel like life was smiling at him again, in some sad way too, bacause he was without his big brother by his side.**

 **\- Come here Sam! -** **she said laughing - you won't escape from me now or forever.**

 **\- What is this? -** **asked Sam smiling at her.**

 **\- You've Never seen a Birthday cake before? -** **she asked watching how he was surprised watching** **the cake at her side - Come on! Eat!**

 **Sam smiled and got closer to her. The moment made him remember so many childhood memories, where Dean bougth Little muffins and put a candle in one of them to celebrate every single birthday, before he went to Stanford, which meant that he didn't see his brother for years . But Even there, he said to Jess or his friends to do the same, because it was comforting for him.**

 **He never really saw a birthday cake made just for him. Exhaling with hope, he knew that if his brother would be alive, he would want him to be happy, just like they promised to each other if one of them died.**

 **Sitting next to Amelia and "Dog", ate a piece of cake, while they laughed and played with the animal.**

 **The camera started getting away from them, and a awesome view of the park appeared in view again.**

 **(End of the scene)**

Sam watched the scene surprised. Since he started the trials , never thought about her anymore, and then he kinda, "forgot" about her , since he had a million things to do to save the world.

Now he could see that he didn't love her the way he thought . No with the same intensity he loved Jess, could say. She had been his protector when he thought that his brother was gone. And even today, a part of gim felt guity for being with her, because he didn't look for his brother, while he was fighting for his life in Purgatory.

\- I thought that she'd be hotter - said Dean joking his brother look at you Sammy! I wish i could have had a piece of that cake!

\- When i saw that cake… i wished for a muffin with a candle instead - said Sam thoughful - that's the only thing i like in my Birthdays, i guess

Dean watched Sam, and then smiled at him. He always wanted to bought his Little brother a million things, but he did everything he could to make his brother happy, even if it meant stealing things, like one christmas when they were little.

\- I have to admmit it - said Dean - watching you smile like that, even if it was because of her, is enough for me. I understand that she helped you, and i'm greatful for that.

\- Yeah - said Sam looking down - but a part of me knew that the life i had in that time wasn't the one that i wanted, Dean. This is my life, saving people and hunting things, right next to you.

\- I don't know about that... - said Dean looking at his brother - you always wanted to be a fat lawyer, with a hot wife and three kids, remember?

\- You're an idiot - said Sam laughing - hey…

\- What? - asked the older Winchester

\- My shoulder is starting to hurt - said Sam knowing that he couldn't hide the pain from his brother for a long time.

\- I bring you some pills then - said Dean finishing his beer and getting up - then we will watch the last video.

Dean came back moments later, and watched his Little brother, making sure that all the pills were ingested. Putting the next video, his heart started beating faster, waiting for the very last scene.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

 **Sam landed on the floor after that Dean punched him in the face. Dean didn't really want to this, but he needed to kill Sam to save the world from himself, the monster he'd became.**

 **Sam tried to get up, and when he was on his knees, the older Winchester punched him in the face again.**

 **Sam was on the floor for the second time, with his long hair hiding his face, that was sure was already hurt, he could feel.**

 **His whole body was in pain, and being honest, he was tired of fighting. He tried to avoid the fist that went to his stomach adopting a fetal position with an useless effort, and then, the painful kick to his ribs, hearing how one of them broke by the impact. Dean was beating him with all the strenght he had, and he wouldn't stop, he thought.**

 **\- Come on! Get up! -** **said Dean lifting Sam forcefully - you're weak, Sammy. Can't stand a beat from your big brother?! I thought that you were better than that!**

 **Dean let go of Sam, and he fell for the third time with a shout of pain, hitting his head against the hard and cold floor of the bar.**

 **Sam knew he was going to die, so why he was resisting to something that was going to happen anyway?**

 **Taking a deep breath, he placed his hands in front of his face in a protective mode, and then his mouth opened unconsciously, starting to say things that his brother needed to hear, and he needed to say outloud too.**

\- **It's enough, Dean - said Sam trying to sound brave in front of Death and his brother - Dee… please. It's enough.**

 **Dean looked at him, and then looked in another direction still feeling rage inside him. He hoped that Sam would have gave him a big fight, becuase he needed it. Just like he needed the first blade, he wanted to hurt, to kill people, and it didn't matter who was the one that was in his way, not even if his brother was the victim.**

Dean watched the scene that was so familiar and painful at the same time. He remember that he didn't care about Sam, something that his normal self would not do ever again, and he was going to kill him without thinking it twice, becuase he was desesperated, lost in his own hell. He'd waited for an answer to get rid of the damn mark for a long time. But they never found anything.

Since he knew was becoming the monster he hated so much all over again, he summoned Death, and he told him that he was going to be sent to a place where he'd never get out, and being there meant that he could be in peace with himself. But, if Sam was alive, he would try everything to get his brother back with him. And thinking the best way to end the horror movie that was his life, took the final desition. His brother's life was the Price to pay.

He thought that he would never do that to Sammy . Since he was four years old, he promised to himself that he was going to make his brother feel safe and happy forever. He kept that promise until Sam opened the cage and the Devil walked free on earth. But after that Zachariah showed him the future, saw that they needed each other. He would have become a cold man,if he could have been called himself a man really and no a monster, and Sam... well, he would have been the vessel of the famous fallen angel. Since the day he saw his little brother again, he made that old and important promise again, every single day of his life, till he took the Mark of Cain, and his bond with his brother went to hell all over again.

\- Hey Dean! - shouted Sam worried - look at me!

\- What?! - asked Dean still afected - what is going on with you?

\- I know what you're thinking. Don't blame yourself - said the younger Winchester - it was not you, it was the damn Mark of Cain.

\- It's just that… i remember everything i was feeling - said Dean with teary eyes - Also, every time that i punched you… it felt nice, like a Little freaking theraphy time. I needed to hurt somebody, and that somebody was not supposed to be you. Not ever. I have to protect you.

\- Better me than a innocent person - said Sam looking at him - But please, hear me a second. You were going to do that to save the world. And that's not bad Dean, that's good.

\- I almost killed you, dammit! - shouted Dean desesperated - i made a promise one day, and i keep ruining it!

\- Dean - said Sam worried about his brother attitude - we promised that we were going to save the world no matter what. And that was a part of the "No matter what", just like said when you were going to kill Metatron.

\- You're not thinking straight. You are… so damn wrong about how everything should be Sam - said Dean - i'm sorry Sammy. I'm sorry for everything i've done to you. I didn't mean to hurt you Little brother. I'd die for you in a second, and you know that, right?

\- I know - said Sam looking at him - i trust you Dean, i always did, and always will.

Both boys sat on their chairs, and kept watching the scene.

 **Sam knelt heavily on the floor, and passed his messy hair. He saw how Dean was standing there, ready to do what he had to do. But he had to say something first, before he would be murdered by the hands of his big brother, just like Cain killed Abel.**

 **\- You'll never hear me say that you… the real you, is anything but good - said Sam as he remembered all the times that he laughed next to his brother, all the protection that he'd given him through all the year.**

 **Dean wanted to make his brother shut up, but he knew that at least he could let him talk his sentimental speeches one more time, before he** **'** **d close his eyes forever.**

 **\- Dean you're right - said Sam - before you hurt anyone else, you have to be stopped, at any cost.**

 **The camera focused on Sam's face. He was almost crying, but he wanted to be strong, to die with pride, could say.**

 **\- I understand Dean. Just… do it -** **said the younger Winchester clearing his throat moments later.**

 **For a moment Dean was confused. He imagined Sam begging him to stop what he was about to do, but surprised, saw that it didn't happen.**

 **Death got closer to Dean and gave him his Scythe. He looked at Death, and deep inside, knew that he was not ready for this. The "good" Dean was screaming desesperated from the inside of his own body.**

 **"** **That" Dean would have stopped everything, and would have knelt next to his brother, asking him if he was ok. Once he knew the answer, that probalby would be a fake "Yes, i'm fine" then would go with his brother far away from there, trying to find another way to save himself.**

\- **Please, do me the honor -** **said Death.**

 **He took the weapon and felt the heaviness of all the deaths that the thing caused. It was weird, but he felt comfortable with it.**

 **He imagined himself deciding the destiny of the entire humanity. How many people would live and how many wouldn't do it. Dean was sure that it'd been hard for him years ago, when he made a deal with Death to get Sam's soul back, but now it was pretty damn exciting. All that he could find for a "rational" explanation was that he was different now. He was not totally human. That was the new and improved Dean Winchester.**

Sam looked how cold Dean was acting. The Dean in front of him in that scene was not his Dean.

He knew his brother from head to toe, after all he tried to be just like him when he was Little. He remembered that he studied every single move or actitude that he did, sometimes getting himself in trouble with his dad because of that.

 **Sam looked up at his brother, and all that he wanted to hear from him was a "Everything's gonna be ok", but he knew that his new twisted brother wanted more action than words in that moment. He wished that Dean could hug him one last time, give him the smile that always made him feel better since he was a kid.**

 **Sam still remembered the quote "Even if the world is bad and dark, i'm here with you, always", that Dean said to him when he started hunting with just 9 years old, and somehow, it comforted him to give his brother a forced smile that said "I'm ready".**

 **Dean tried to shut the sentimental Dean from his conscious part, and mentally decided to use a strong and cold face mask before he looked at his brother kneeling in front of him. Sam seemed so fragil, and a broken smile appared on his face when he looked at his little brother.**

\- **Close your eyes -** **said the older Winchester looking directly at the younger one.**

 **He said that outloud, becuase he wouldn't be able to hurt Sam with his sad puppy dog eyes looking at him like that. Even being a monster, he still felt some of the old love for Sam, but he wouldn't say it.**

 **He saw how a tear slid down in Sam's face, and decided to use the old Dean's voice one last time.**

\- **Close you eyes, Sammy -** **said this time in a swetter way**

\- **Wait - said Sam taking the photos that he had in his jacket's pocket - take this. And one day when you'll obtain your way back to be yourself again, let this be your guide. They can help you remember what is was to be good, what is was to love.**

 **Dean watched how Sam left the pictures in the ground. He reminded to himself that he had to be strong. He had to do it, dammit!**

 **But when he looked at them, the old Dean "came back". He saw the picture he had with his mother when he turned three years old, and the other one, that had been taken by John, where Mary was holding Sammy , while he was at their side smiling** **with hope, something that the mark stole from him.**

 **He tought that he'd forgotten all the moments that he lived as a kid, and now were appearing in his mind, making him remembering who he really was. One of those memories was that he promised his mom that he was going to be a good man when he'd be older. Or when he felt for he first time his baby brother's tiny body in his short arms to make him sleep.**

 **He knew that even if he was a hunter, and he had seen the evil in this world, they weren't evil people. After all The road to Heaven is paved with miles of clouded hell.**

 **Yes, they made mistakes, but that was part of being a freaking human.**

 **How many people have they saved? How many lives have they changed, saving them from a painful death?**

\- **Do it Dean - said Death with his eternal patience - or i will.**

 **He looked at his brother's face, and saw how he nodded at him silently. Sam had given up. Sam was ready to die, but the difference was that this time, Dean was not ready to kill his Little brother, his reason to live and fight every single day of his life.**

 **Suddenly a plan appeared in his mind. He was not going to kill Sam, he was going to kill Death, if that was even possible. He had to try, and it didn't matter if that would send him straight to hell.**

\- **Forgive me, brother -** **said Dean using his cold mask again to make Death believe that he was still that monster.**

 **Sam saw something weird in his brother's eyes. The way he looked at him maybe. Something was different, or that's what he thought until he heard that his brother was apologizing for what he was about to do.**

 **Closing his eyes, he got ready as Dean was leading the Scythe towards him.**

 **But when he felt that he wasn't having any kind of pain, he opened his eyes surprised to see that the weapon was pinned in Death's body from side to side. Moments later, saw how Death became ashes, and Dean turned around, looking at him with worried eyes.**

\- **Sammy - said Dean looking at his brother's surprised eyes - Sam!**

 **Sam looked at him not believing what he saw. What he thought it was his end, turned out in a different way. Death was gone, and he was alive. He saw Dean, and knew that he'd been right when he** **suspected that something changed in him. His brother was back somehow, for now at least.**

 **\- Dean - he whispered feeling pain with every move as he tried to get up, falling again moments later - Are you back? .**

 **\- I think so, Little brother - said Dean nervious.**

 **He helped his brother to get up, and asked him if he was fine. Sam's answer was that he was going to live, and for now that was enough for him. Now it was time to fix the things with him, and be brothers again.**

 **(End of the scene)**

\- You are not bad, Dean - said Sam looking at his brother - you'll never be a bad man. I'm proud of you. I don't know how you did it, but i know that if only someone could do it, was you.

\- Everybody has their own monster inside, Sammy - said Dean avoiding his look - i was lucky to react and do that. I'm not so strong like you think. I wouldn't have lived an eternity whitout you by my side. You're a pain in the ass, but you're my Little brother.

\- I will always will be your pain in the ass - said Sam laughing - Hell, i know that you'd do that again if we would go back to that moment. You're strong Dean. Don't say that.

\- Ok. Just stop talking Samantha - said Dean smiling at him - i need a drink.

\- I'm with you, brother - said the younger hunter - i am tired of being in this jail. A drink would be good right now.

\- You just drank a pill for the pain - explained Dean - you can't drink alcohol, or it won't make effect.

\- Bite me - said Sam getting up and grabbing his jacket - i can support the pain. You don't have to babysit me Dean.

\- Like i said, my pain in the ass Little brother - said Dean smiling while grabbing his jacket and got out of the bunker with his brother.

 **The end.-**


End file.
